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About Varied / Hobbyist Core Member Pamela S KellerFemale/United States Group :iconjewelryshowcase: JewelryShowcase
Jewelry Artists!
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Aug 25, 2015
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Fear and Anxiety

Journal Entry: Fri Aug 21, 2015, 11:54 AM

So, for those who have been around and kept up with my stupid journals, you may have gathered the info that I had brain surgery and there are deficits as a result.  One of those is anxiety.  Well my normal anxiety levels are bad enough but I'm truly being tested this week in SOOOoooo many ways.  Today, the man I put in prison has been released.  I was informed in advance, and then yesterday got the call and received pictures, upon receiving those pictures I almost thought I was going to have to dial 911.  This man is truly scary and dangerous and LOOKS it.  Like what you would see in the movies. I am able to get his parole officer's number and that officer's supervisor's number for emergency sake and so I can get the address of where he is registered to be living.  I unfortunately know that this information is just that information, not guaranteed.

On top of that I am attempting to deal with a move, and was informed that my stupid apartment manager is doing a walk through 60 days in advance ... makes NO sense what so ever, my giving notice in advance makes plenty of sense, but not a walk thru, a lot can happen in 60 days, I may trip with a bowl of chili or something.  (Not that I want that to happen).  But this "manager" was rude and then got upset that I wanted a phone call prior to her coming to my apartment.  Ugh... I don't want her in here without me here, I have valuable jewelry and jewelry supplies here PLUS I don't want her knocking on my door while I'm in bed half naked and asleep.   AND concerning the move, the place I am supposed to moving into, well it is yet to have been vacated and so there is no guarantee of that place being available.  O.o  

THEN there is my grandson who recently broke his arm (severely) who had major surgery yesterday that was a bone graph to repair his palette. This is one of the last surgeries  but one of the most major ones.  He did well but is very sick and has a rough recovery on this one, and though he is tougher than most adults I know, this is hard on him and I'm not there yet to help or be with him.  

THEN there is the ex husband that is supposedly selling the house (long story to go along with that but I won't go into it. basically I was too generous during the "amicable" divorce and got screwed over!) So he who has claimed to want to stay friends has been doing anything and everything to upset me and shove in my face how wonderful his life is now that I'm not in it.  (in a passive aggressive way of course)  I'm sick of it and I'm sick of him and even more so, sick of his girlfriend who is also playing that game.  I'm so done.  
This week has been horrible in so many ways and I'm just touching on the main points.  I fight some days, really fight, to keep my shit together and move forward.  Today and this weekend is going to be VERY difficult, my nerves are blown. For those who are spiritual please, light a candle, say a prayer, send some soothing energy, it's something I don't ask of for myself usually but ... this time, I need all the help I can get!   

My humor that I use to deal with things is even somewhat absent.  :(  My chest is heavy and breathing is a challenge. I keep finding myself holding my breath without realizing it.  Not good when you have a seizure disorder!!!

Hope everyone else is having a good day/evening/morning (depending on your location).
Many blessings,

  • Mood: Distracted
  • Listening to: WAY too much noise outside of my apartment!!!
  • Reading: The Omen Machine by Terry Goodkind
  • Watching: Time fly by too fast!
  • Playing: Diablo III and WoW and soon GW2
  • Eating: Not much these days.
  • Drinking: Coffee, but could love something a bit stronger!

Journal History

My DA Group Jewelry Showcase!

SO... I got the group up and running and so far all is working smoothing!!! :happybounce:

:bulletpurple: :bulletblue: :bulletpurple: :woohoo: :woohoo: :iconjewelryshowcase: :woohoo: :woohoo: :bulletpurple: :bulletblue: :bulletpurple:

I hope you all will come check it, watch and join if you want as well! :happybounce:

Deviant Features




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WayneBenedet Featured By Owner 18 hours ago
Thanks for the :+fav: Pam
MYPeanutGallery Featured By Owner 2 days ago
Peace1 by KmyGraphic

Thanks for the Fave!
KatrinaFTW44 Featured By Owner 2 days ago
Thanks for the fave :)
UszatyArbuz Featured By Owner 2 days ago   Digital Artist
Fav by UszatyArbuz
DreamsOfGems Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Professional Artisan Crafter
Thanks for the fave, Pam Hug 
ElvireClev Featured By Owner 6 days ago   Traditional Artist
Thanks a lot for the :+fav: ! :)
kodapops Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thanks for adding my work to your faves, i appreciate it :) (Smile) 
illustrisdesigns Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Hi Pamela thanks again for the sweet comment on my work and for the fave of my suncatcher! Have a great day Hug 
LaraBLN Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconamorbln::iconthanksbln: Pamela, truly appreciated!!! WithLove by KmyGraphic
Hope you're fine
bluediscord Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2015  New Deviant Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you for the fave :)!
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